What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
