And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
