Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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