as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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