talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
