My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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