how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
