Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
