I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
