I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize