Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
