I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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