There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just had sex on a roof
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
