bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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