new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
