She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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