It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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