U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
