Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
