Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
