You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
