Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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