I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize