Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
