dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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