i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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