the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
