Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
