You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
