New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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