I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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