You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize