I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
