just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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