i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
