so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
