how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
