now i know why i became what i already was.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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