If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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