hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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