Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
