Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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