i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
