I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
