Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
