He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize