their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
