i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
