Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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