party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
