Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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