And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my poor anus
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
