Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
