just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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