I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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