i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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