peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
