apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
