Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
