eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
