His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
