If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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