like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
