remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
