I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
