why didn't you poke me back
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize