u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
