I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
