Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
