Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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