At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
