is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
