Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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