Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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