I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
