Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
