WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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