I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
