I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
