wakey wakey hands off snakey
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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