Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
