Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My dick has a subreddit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
