I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
