my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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