wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
