i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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