Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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