so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize