my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
