Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
