3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
