we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
