It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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