I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
