idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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