so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
