I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
