Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize