I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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