im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
