Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize