New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
