I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
