Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
