We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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