thus making me awesome and them whores
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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