Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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