this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
