The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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