There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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