Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
