Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
