Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
