We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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