I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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