Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
