Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
