So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
