I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You made out with two different species that night
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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