Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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