I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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