Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We got so high we made milksteak
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
