somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
