Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
