just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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