I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
