i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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